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Of Cigarettes


I recently restarted my occasional smoking habit. Some days after, my psychology professor asked us all to write a story from the perspective of an object. I didn’t have much time to complete the task, or much brainpower to devote to it, so I just picked a cigarette as my object. The result was rather nice (if a bit over-flowery), so I’m posting it here for you guys.

~

Consciousness, if what I felt could be called that, was from the moment he took me out and held me in his hands. Yes, I had been created long before then. Yes, I might have been formed and shaped by other hands, real and metallic, and I spent the majority of my life, if it could be called that, inert and dead in a cold box. But the moment he brought me out into the sparkling world, that was the moment I truly began existing.

I knew then, from the tremor in his hand as he gently caressed me, what it was like to be adored, to be craved, to be loved. When he held me, his soft hands cradling my form, I knew then that I would sacrifice myself entirely to become one with him, to become a part of him, in service of my desire and his addiction.

But oh! That pleasure and pain should have to be such close sisters of one another! When he first brought me to his lips and I could feel them encircle me, it was a joy that I could barely endure. For a few moments, I lingered there, suspended in the brightly tinkling beauty of that height. I felt the warmth of his breath, his lips, I felt the pulse under his skin.

And then, came the explosion of pain. Along with it, a heady rush as a wind passed through my entire body. But I barely felt the latter as the pain overcame all other sensations, making me crazily dizzy, delirious. I was burning, burning in a great, fiery blaze.

And then came the ultimate destruction. As the wind rushed through me again and again, I felt myself disintegrate. My body was turning to ash. Yet in that disintegration, I knew that there was also a beautiful transformation. I felt myself being pulled into him, become part of him, part of his very makeup.

I felt myself penetrate his body, felt myself cling to and transform the very cells of his existence, coat and cover the part of him that was most important. I felt particles of myself enter his bloodstream, rush through his heart and head. I became part of his life, inextricably, immutably.

There were respites, when he took me away from him, though I was still poised with elegance between his fingers. It was hard for me to distinguish what was the worse torture, because in the respites I only longed to be back between his lips, even if that meant a swifter ending. The torture of being burnt alive was less than the torture of being parted from him.

In the final few moments of my life, my headiness grew. I knew that as I grew smaller and my end drew near, he too felt the heat that ravaged my body. As he took the last pull and I released myself into unconsciousness, I could feel the pain subside and only joy remain. I was finished, but my love for him would live on, lingering in his body, a neoplasm of adoration.

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3 thoughts on “Of Cigarettes

  1. Wow! You are an amazing writer bakedsunshine! btw an AKU 3rd year student here, we told Dr Saulat that this has been one hell of a rotation and that we will write a diary and put it up somewhere, he then told us that one student has already done that, so i came home and googled and have been reading your posts since then despite the fact that i have to wake up early in the morning tomorrow(you know how it works with him), but let me tell you this, you are an amazing writer and you should keep writing forever and ever,
    In one of the posts you talked about improving your blog and adding more posts, i think you can write about your medical college years from the perspective of a graduate, i look around people and i see them getting stressed out about little things in med school and inflating little problems out of proportion, i do that too sometimes in fact a lot of times, but many a times all we need is some reassurance from someone who has been there before us like you, i think you can write a few posts on that
    Also i was wondering if you are still here working in AKU

    1. Hi! I’m so glad you liked my blog and OMG I didn’t know Dr Saulat knew about that blog post of mine! Hahaha. And yes, I know how it is, it’s so stressful being a medical student and it’s good to know that the torture ends at some point, so I may write about that in future. Unfortunately I’m not working in Aga Khan anymore. I left just at the end of last month, it’s a pity because I love meeting people who’ve read my blog.

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