This is a bit of a filler post, because I have been incredibly absent on this blog for the past few months, and with good reason. The reason being, I have started my house job/internship. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a year of post-grad training, where you get paid shit and get severely overworked. I’m doing it at my alma mater, an institution that is notorious for expecting you to hand over your body and soul the minute you sign the contract with them.
I have worked in three different medicine departments since the year started, and survived five months successfully. I’ve been collecting anecdotes to share with you guys, but haven’t been able to find the energy to write them all up. But fear not, dear readers. I am going to find the time.
Suffice it to say, for now – what I really wanted to share in this post, in fact – is that through this work I am finding within myself a reserve of energy and patience that I never thought possible. The work is difficult, no doubt. It is soul-sucking, often, and physically and emotionally draining (but not mentally. Mentally I am so unchallenged that I read like a maniac just for mental stimulation). But I am finding that despite the toughness of the work itself, I still love it, I grow more in love with it every day.
Those of of you who’ve read my blog from the start know how much I’ve doubted myself, doubted whether medicine was really for me. I have become surer over time about my decision to become a doctor, but I still doubted my ability to withstand the pressures of actually working. And yet I am managing, and that makes me happy and proud of myself. Of course, the year off in the middle helped, because I grew in that time and had a chance to heal and learn at a slower pace. But now that I’m in the fray, it’s actually fun, and I’m enjoying it. It’s meaningful work that gives me many chances to be a good, kind, helpful person; I do it well and efficiently (for the most part); and it just satisfies me, on a level deeper than mere superficial glee at getting pay-cheques every month.
So that’s basically all I wanted to say for now. I’ll post up more specifics (including the specialty I’m pondering on joining, and why) in future posts. See you guys soon!